2010 approaches...

I can't believe that 2009 is pretty much over. This was a crazy year-- I started my Master of Fine Arts program at Lesley University, got engaged to the greatest guy in the whole world, was a bridesmaid for the first time ever in Lisa and Andrew's beautiful wedding, said goodbye to my grandfather, and put up with an incredible amount of unnecessary work-related stress. It was definitely a year of ups and downs, and I'm excited to see what 2010 holds in store for me.

I've recently made a few decisions about the upcoming year that will benefit me in many, many positive ways, but I'm not going to talk about them just yet... I'm looking forward to the next few weeks, though. I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a huge cliff and there's most likely a safety net at the bottom, but I'll only know if I jump.

2010 is going to be the year about jumping. My immediate plans are to work on the novel I started in November. I'm 50,000 words into it and it needs a lot of work, but I'm planning on incorporating the novel into my assignments for this semester. I hope to have it in some kind of presentable manuscript by the summer. I'm also going to be pushing myself to get more into the freelance writing scene. I've made a good start with local papers and my portfolio is growing every week, but I'd like to jump into larger publications like magazines.

**CAN WE SAY REAL SIMPLE MAGAZINE??**

I entered an essay contest back in September and they announce the winner next weekend... I feel something really good in my bones about my chances of winning. I'm visualizing the phone call and manifesting as many good vibes as possible... to start 2010 with the news that I have been chosen... well, that would basically set the tone for the whole year.

Aside from the writing stuff, I am SO EXCITED that it's almost our wedding year! I recently changed my mind about bridesmaid dresses. We'll be going with a cornflower blue instead of brown. I just think it'll be more summery and fun. I need to get my girls together and pick a designer, which may be tough since we're all on very different schedules. I'm leaning towards Bill Levkoff because he has some great styles that would compliment a lot of different bodies. Nothing is set in stone, though I need to get on that STAT!

Our Save the Dates are in their envelopes and will be addressed in the very near future... like, this week. I may need to recruit some willing bridesmaids to write them out with me. Or I might just spend New Years Eve doing that. I have no plans to go out because Matt's on the Cape with his buddies and I'm quite the old woman lately (9:30 and I'm tired... that's so pathetic).

We also officially have a VIDEOGRAPHER! I'm very thrilled about this because I wanted one so badly and we weren't sure we could fit it into our budget. We got very lucky to find Cozzi Video! Now our big day will be with us always.

I've been a lucky girl lately-- all my bridesmaids were/are home for the holidays, so I got to see them all at least once! Sara is back from Spain and we spent the day together today. I missed her so much, and the next stretch will be even LONGER. But she'll be home in the summer just in time for a few rumba lessons and a wedding. Chelsea came up from Virginia and I got to see her and a few other girls at Applebees one night. Those two are the farthest away so it was lovely to see them. I can't wait for the wedding to have everyone together all dressed up and ready to party!

I should get back to writing a book review for the paper, but expect more frequent updates from me... now that the new year is approaching, I have a feeling wedding things will be demanding a lot of my attention and time!

Post of Many Things

As I sit here in bed updating this blog, I can glance up and look into my open closet and what do I see? Why, my wedding gown in its pink garment bag, that's what! Today Lauren and I went for much needed stress-relieving manicures and pedicures, and then we went to pick up my dress. It has been sitting at Cinderella's Bridal since June when we made the down payment on it, and lately I have been wanting to have it here at home. I really don't plan on putting it on again until the spring when it needs to be altered, but I just felt better having it in my possession. So, we took a drive (while wearing pedicure flip flops in the freezing rain/slush), payed the balance and picked it up. I tried it on for Lauren while we were there and she liked it. It's weird-- I had a sudden flashback as I was standing there in the dressing room. I saw Lauren and me as kids again, playing dress-up in dresses my mom made, running around the yard and making up games as we went. And today I was wearing a wedding gown. It's unreal how fast time goes and how quickly life zips on by. Lauren and I have known one another for 23 years, and how we got here, to this point where I am in a wedding gown and she is helping me plan the big day, I really have no idea.

I found out on Wednesday that a co-worker was diagnosed with stage 3 kidney failure. She found out right around Thanksgiving. Last week, an old friend from high school lost his father suddenly and without any warning, while the family was all together in one room. And today, Matt found out that two of his buddies from the Army are being deployed, even though they are on inactive duty right now. Had Matt not joined the Army Reserves, he may have gotten those same orders today and who knows when our wedding would be. It feels like we just dodged a bullet...

All these events have made me exceptionally grateful today, for what I have right now in this very moment, because it truly could end any second. I am blessed with a wonderful family, incredible friends, the fortune to be able to pursue my dreams, and the most amazing fiance in the world. I am warm and comfortable right now, and it's a cold night here in Rhode Island. I have so much to be thankful for. I have relatively good health, a job, and a bed. And more love than I know what to do with.

Tonight we are having our first snow of the season. I am not a fan of winter, but when I opened the front door earlier to take a picture of it on my cell phone, I was struck by how silent and bright it was outside. The front bushes are lit with white lights and the snow was falling on them without a sound. It was like the world had paused and the snow flakes were taking their time reaching the ground, like everything depended on that silence. It really was beautiful. And my dog loves it.

When I went to visit Matt in Kansas in the summer of 2008, I had a technique for making every moment last. I never wanted to leave, because I knew once I flew back to RI, it would be weeks or months before we would see each other again. So every so often I would stop what I was doing, take in everything around me and think, I am here, right now, right here. It made me present in every moment, and helped me to appreciate my time with him because I knew it would end. I really haven't done it very often since, but I think I will start up again. Thanks to that, I remember very specific moments, like hiking the Konza Prairie, standing in his kitchen as I reached for the Oreos, driving down the flattest stretch of highway my eyes had ever seen, kissing Matt goodbye in the airport with wet cheeks and a rock in my stomach. We should all be so lucky to remember our lives, to have memories we love.

I think that our wedding will be a celebration of gratitude and love and I really can't wait for the day to finally arrive...

Don't wait to tell someone you love them, and don't wait to start loving your life. You don't have forever. Do and say it all now. You really kind of have to...